Dear Gay Control,
I have a problem with inaction. I often have the feeling that I don’t fully DO anything. I also have the very strong feeling that I really fucking need to DO something for a change, like if I don’t DO something soon I am going to rot from the inside.
I make a lot of lists of things to do and other lists of things to consider doing and other lists to do someday. Why don’t I just do something?
I might be a coward. Or I might be a self-sabotager. Or I might be constitutionally lazy. Or I might not know what I want to do. Why I don’t do stuff might not matter very much when it comes to doing stuff, though.
I kind of know what I’m good at — in the being sense of the word — but I don’t know what I’m good for — in the doing/making sense of the word. I think it’s because in order to figure out the ‘good for’ part, you have to do some stuff first.
Could you please control me?
Dear Lazy Self-Sabotaging Coward…err…“Inactrocious”,
You can’t be “good at” anything if you’re not doing it.
Sounds to gays like figuring out why you don’t DO things is just another way to not do anything. What happens when you make your lists? Do you do part of the list? None of the list? Make more lists within your list? Stop making lists!
What do your days look like, and what’s dissatisfying about the status quo? Are you jerking off to internet porn instead of writing your masterpiece screenplay? Are you reorganizing your records instead of finding investors for your amazing non-profit?
Here’s the thing: you can’t do anything if your focus is on being something. Not initially, anyway. Because here’s the tricky thing:
Inaction breeds inaction.
Unfortch, the less you do, the less you’re going to do and the bigger the hump you have to get over to do something. And then you probably guilt spiral like you’ve eaten a pint of ice cream and watched a bunch of Sister Wives and have to buy new underwear because you are too pathetic to do laundry.
Start small, build on momentum. Whatever these “things” are that you want to do? Figure out how many you would ideally do in a week, and then try to do half that many. Or do one small part of a thing every day until it’s all the way done.
Live within your process, not your paralysis. Your goals, in this discovery phase of your desires, should be focused on dedicating time and psychic energy, not some elusive changing target that’s 10 years down the line. You can build later, and try to avoid feeling shitty about yourself in the meantime. The most important thing, is you have to get out of bed, get a hammer and a nail, and learn how to use your hands (not just your head).